You Cannot Fix Him.
Samantha Galindo
There’s a certain kind of story that never goes out of style, the story that goes along the lines where a brooding, emotionally distant man is “saved” by someone patient enough to break through his walls. It’s a trope that dominates books, movies, TV shows, and even real life relationships. The idea is simple enough: beneath his cold, damaged exterior is someone kind and loving, and with enough effort and love, you too can bring that version of him to the surface!
But, here’s the truth… You can’t fix him, and trying to do so will end up hurting you the most.
The Appeal of the “Broken” Love Interest
The allure of the unavailable man is everywhere, and always has been. Ranging from classic literature to modern media. Classic literature has Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre, old Disney classics, while modern media has Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries, Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders, Edward Cullen from Twilight. There’s many more to add to the list, everywhere you turn, there’s most likely going to be a man that is portrayed as emotionally closed who just needs the correct type of love to soften him up.
All these characters have the same appeal; they’re complex, tortured, and need the right person to help them heal. This sort of fantasy suggests that love can soften their sharp edges, turn their pain into devotion, and make them into the partner they were always meant to be. But in reality, change doesn’t work that way, and never will.
The Cost of Trying to “Fix” Someone
The belief that love and support can truly change someone isn’t just misleading, it’s emotionally exhausting, and even harmful. When you take on the role of the ‘fixer upper’, you’re becoming responsible for someone else’s healing, often at the expense of your own well being. You may excuse toxic behavior, justify emotional unavailability, or convince yourself that if you just try harder, he’ll finally let you in.
The harsh reality is that you cannot make someone change if they themselves don’t want to change themselves. No matter how much love, patience, or support you offer, true change must come from within. It’s not your duty to heal his wounds, or teach him how to love in a healthy way. A relationship should be built on mutual effort, not one person constantly trying to fix the other.
Loving someone shouldn’t feel like a chore, project, or test of endurance. You deserve to prioritize yourself. You deserve a partner who will meet you where you are, not a partner who you need to break yourself just to hold them together.